Silence is Golden sometimes
This blog is written to query a possible way forward for
psychotherapeutic work. A chance to review a change, an alteration to the way
of working as a Psychotherapist/Counsellor/Mental Health Practitioner. What if
the clients we supported were co-worked with - in tandem with a colleague, not
alone? What if we had a colleague in the room with us?
October 2015 has been a month of developments for me as a
counsellor, Forensic Mental Health Practitioner, Visiting Lecturer, blog
writer, Trainer on the Knowledge and Understanding Framework for Personality
Disorder and reader of Daring Greatly by Brené
Brown.
I had the good fortune of working alongside a colleague at
one of the probation offices I support. I checked with both service users I was
to provide counselling support with if I could bring another therapist into the
room. Both clients affirmed that this would be okay. My colleague would observe
the work in both appointments and where necessary add comment to the
interactions.
To be honest I wasn’t worried for myself or my colleague as
we began our work, the client on the other hand I was nervous for. He was a new
referral whom I had only met once previously for an assessment meeting. The
probation officer warned us that he wasn’t in the mood for therapy or much of
anything. I chose to acknowledge what the probation officer had said, and
repeat their phrasing and emphasis on the clients mood. My response was to let
the probation officer know that if the service user wanted to, he could leave
at any point during the appointment. I then asked the service user if he were
comfortable for us to proceed with my colleague in the room. I informed him
that he had the right to leave the room if the need arose.
The service user was a young man between the age of 18-24.
He was dressed in multiple hoodies and a pair of loose fit jeans, was from an
African Caribbean back ground and as his probation officer had stated was in a
quiet seethingly angry mood. When asked if we could proceed with the
appointment, he offered a terse and tight lipped response of ‘uh yeah.’ Putting
his head first down then looking out of the window at passing traffic.
Much of the appointment was spent in silence. I began by
setting out the parameters of the space, time of the meeting and
confidentiality of our work together. When asked how I might be able to help.
He resolutely told me that ‘You can’t help me! No-body can. I can barely help
myself.’ When prompted by myself he added ‘Na, nothing man. I’ll be alright.’
There were moments where silence drew something out of him
and then there were times where silence acted like a cloak in which he hid
himself and appeared as if he was not going to come out from. My colleague MM
appeared comfortable with this man’s disquiet. I was disquieted by the peek-a-boo
game and my inability of providing anything more than space, time, an ability
to mirror, paraphrase and offer small interpretations of what was happening for
him in the space. (Was I good enough?!!)
Ultimately I felt that there were 2 break through moments during
the silent conversation. I am a firm believer in that stating the obvious can
help clarify difficult or frightening experiences ‘Nailing the cloud down’. The
other is using humour to assist in lightening the mood and move the sense of
discomfort on a little further. These two moments came after the service user
said ‘I don’t care!’ a number of times and after I said ‘I imagined a large car
chase scene where there were lots of car wheels screeching through London’s wet
streets’. He laughed at the ridiculousness of this suggestion and said ‘It’s
not that bad, nah nothing like that.’ I heard MM laugh quietly and the
tenseness in the room gave just a little, enough for me to offer a question
about caring and if I could be allowed to care for him. To carry his caring
whilst he was busy worrying about the thing we were not talking about.
The appointment came to an end and I mentioned to the
service user that I looked forward to our next appointment. He gave a response
which intimated that he, if he made it to next week, would like to engage in a
further appointment.
Myself and MM went to my office space and talked at length
about the appointment and what it’s merits were. MM was complimentary about how
we used the space. He, I, and MM the observer all shared an experience barely
talking about one members concerns. What strikes me is that there was a
parallel process occurring throughout the time as well. The service user spoke
little, I on the other hand spoke for us both and MM said barely a word. I was
compensating on some level for the lack in the room and attempting to fill
space and time with usefulness (subconscious mechanisms going into hyper-drive).
The parallel process was in the transaction of what we brought to witness in
the room. Me attempting to support and assuage the young man’s mood to another
place. He dancing a line between not sharing or caring and then trusting the
space investing some of his story and caring.
Returning to my workspace we, MM and I, reflected on the 50
minutes we had in the room and talked about what had just happened from a
number of perspectives. Traditional counselling supervision often happens
within a number of different contexts including; place, time, environment,
focus and attention and intention of the therapeutic appointment.
Skilled supervisors support their supervisees without ever
meeting the person or person’s their supervisee speaks about. They have nothing
but what their supervisee brings into the room. I like to bring all of the
aspects of what has worked well, what did not work well or aspects of the work that
I am confused with. Most of my supervisors are so good it is like they have
been with me in the room all along seeing what I had not even begun to
identify.
Having a colleague in the room, brought something immediate
and responsive to the work. It was almost like the collective unconscious in
the room facilitated managing a difficulty and brought solutions that a 1 on 1
encounter may not have achieved. It is likely if I had worked with the service
user alone some of the realisations would have been different but may have been
just as supportive.
The point I am wrestling with is could 2+1 meetings where
there are 2 therapists in a room be an aspect of the work that is common rather
than uncommon. The Speakmans
work in a way that is similar to 2 therapists and a client. BACP and UKCP may
have something to share on working as a triad however I felt that the learning
was trifold as opposed to bifocal and that was immeasurably felt by all who
encountered this session...
